Play in peace, Bluey

Six days after Casey Anthony was found “not guilty,” my mom, our vet and I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. That decision is probably the biggest reason I haven’t blogged lately; I dreaded writing the post I am currently writing. My beloved playmate and favorite canine companion, Blue, was put to sleep and went to heaven to wait with Jesus until I get there on Monday, July 11, 2011 at approximately 5:45pm and five days before we traveled to Disney World. My mom and I took her to the vet for a 4:00pm appointment because she had stopped eating and was basically laying in her bed all the time. She also could no longer hold her bladder. After a few tests and a conversation with both the nurse and the vet, we decided her amazing quality of life had vanished right before our very eyes. We could no longer allow our sweet girl to go on like this because it simply was not fair to her. I have never cried so hard in my life. Never.

Bluey has been a part of my life since I was 6 years old. She got me through elementary, middle and high school as well as my first year of college. Each day when I came home from school, rehearsal or work, she greeted me at the door with her tail wagging and the biggest, bluest and happiest eyes a dog could ever have. I don’t ever recall a day that my precious baby was not at the door. Even when I was in college and would Skype with my mom, she would always put Bluey on the camera so I could talk to her and watch that tail wag. Mom even complained that when we finished skyping, she would walk down the hallway to my room looking for me, knowing she had just heard my voice. We were that close.

I still am in shock that she is gone. We had her cremated and her ashes are in a bag inside a wooden, engraved box with her name on it that the pet crematory sent back. My conscious mind knows she is gone but my subconscious mind simply believes she’s just on a mini-vacation. I got home from work a few nights ago and as I walked in I looked around and almost called out her name. Looking up, I saw the box that held her ashes and was instantaneously brought back to my new reality: she’s in heaven. It’s hell. I’m just so used to her being here with me and the fact that she isn’t just eats me up alive. I know I will see her again someday when I, too, get my wings, but the present is just so hard.

I was driving with one of my friends today. We were on our way back from shopping and my iPod was on “shuffle.” The song “One Moment More” by Mindy Smith came on. Somehow or another I wasn’t really listening to the music until these lyrics came on:

Oh, please don't go.
Let me have you just one moment more.
Oh, all I need,
all I want is just one moment more.
You've got to hold me and keep me,
tell me that someday you'll be returning,
and maybe,
maybe I'll believe.
It's just enough to see a shooting star,
to know you're never really far.
It's just enough to see a shooting star,
to know you're never really gone.

Luckily, I had my aviator sunglasses on so the friends I was with did not see the alligator tears that welled up in my eyes. It’s just so hard. Everyone keeps saying, “it’s just a dog” and/or “just go get another one.” The difficult part for me is the fact that they just don’t get it. Bluey was not just a dog. She was a member of my family and I adored her. We spent so much time together going on walks and playing in the living room. I can still see her rolling in the grass in our backyard as the sunshine beamed down on her or carrying around her “babies” (stuffed toys). She loved those “babies.”

In conclusion, I thank you if you’ve made it this far in a post that will {hopefully} help me in the healing process. Tomorrow will be the first birthday I spend without waking up to her. I suppose this year will hold a lot of “first” holidays without her. She appeared in many a Christmas card both with Brent and I by herself and later when we added our Buster to the family. She is missed. Play in peace, my Bluey.

One of our first pictures together

Bluey in her bed

Our very last picture together